Control

Over the past 24 hours it has come to my attention that I have issues with control in my life. That I am to be 100% in control of everything that happens in this house and my significant others.. For example, yesterday Frank wanted to work on his car. Ok, that's fine. But I thought it would be more useful for him to work on the car we drive. It could always use work. Instead of me just letting him do what he wants, I started a war that essentially lasted the rest of the day and into the early hours of the next! I mean, why was it such a big deal that he work on the car I wanted him to work on? Was I mad because he wasn't doing what I thought he should be doing? Something as stupid as him wanting a little bit of time to do what it is he wanted to do and I just totally turn into super bitch mode and go all out for war. That whole night yesterday could have been avoided if I didn't feel the need to be totally in control of everything, not only myself but also what he does.

I must admit that I see part of this stemming from past relationships and my life out in Las Vegas. Just my total lack of control over ANYTHING. Now I am afraid to let anyone make decision for myself ,or in Franks case, himself.

I know that if he was to decide to go out that I would be ok with it. But when he is here I just feel his attention should be on me and Bowen. I have a hard time giving him space period. He could be home all day and I would still give him crap about him wanting to do whatever it is he wants to do.

I am just glad that this is something I realized now. I love him so VERY much and last night I thought I was going to lose him because of my need to be in control. YES, I am a work in progress. NO, I am not perfect. But I love my family with all of my heart and will do whatever I can to make it work!! :D