Changes *sigh*

We are for sure moving. Have a couple apartments that we are looking at. This whole process has made me realize why it is I am pissed off.

First, I think it has a lot to do with me being scared. I love where we live. I can't picture us living anywhere else. This isn't just a place we live, it is our home and I am scared to live anywhere else.

Now, totally off topic, I have something I want to go on a rant about. I was talking with a friend today about my sex life and let me tell you, I am FED up. I am tired of getting rejected. I am tired of me crying because I feel ugly. I know when you get involved that after a while it slows down, but this is getting damn near pathetic. We have sex maybe once every 2 weeks. I can't Handel it. Its bad enough I feel like a beach whale, but I don't need him helping me feel even worse about myself.

Its not even really about my self esteem. I have needs. I want to have sex at least once a week with out having to practically beg for it. Well, last night is a perfect example. It was his night off and we were getting ready for bed. I start touching him and its obvious what I want. He tells me he has to get up and work in the morning. Yeah, and??? I remember when we first got together it didn't matter what time it was. He was game. Then he says "how about tomorrow night?" I said "Yeah, thanks for penciling me in!". I just don't know what to do anymore.

My friend told me that when men get to their 30's that their sex drive slows down a lot because their testosterone levels get lower and they just don't want it as much. That and stress from work and his family(me). That as I start to hit my 30's I am going to want sex even more. Well crap, what am I going to do then??? I guess I will have to invest in some products to give me a helping hand. Now I am sure my weight has something to do with it. I am sure my lack of self esteem has something to do with it. Hell, half the time I don't want to have sex but I ask him anyways because I know he is going to say no. I just don't want things to be this way. I feel him and I are growing apart.

UPDATE:

Well, I talked to my mother after I got done writing this. I just had a total break down. Crying and everything. I didn't realize how upset I was about this whole situation. She gave me some very good advice. She also made me realize that I never stopped to really think about how he is feeling. He is going through a lot right now. He got a BIG promotion at his work, so he is now running the store. He's been putting in quite a few hours. We are also in the process of moving and were going to be starting on the house this coming month.

So Frank, if you read this, I LOVE YOU HONEY! I am sorry for not being understanding. I know just how much you do for our family and I love you for it.