random pics

Been a long time

I kind of got bored with writing on this. Not much was going on with my life and I got tired of trying to find new shit to write about. My life really isn't all that interesting.

Looking back though my previous posts, I had to take a moment to breath. I saw pictures of my self that literally made me want to vomit in my mouth. How did I get so fat? What the hell was wrong with me? I feel complete shame looking at those pictures. All of them should be burned!

Found out Frank and I are going to have a new baby. Little freaked out about the whole thing. Mostly scared of being tied down again, gaining a bunch of weight back during my pregnancy (I have lost 85lbs in the past 9 months), and saddened that I will not be stating college. Again, I feel like my whole life has been put on hold. I feel extreme guilt over my feelings and ashamed of them. I want nothing more then to be happy about it and blessed some how with skills to not have food cravings and to eat healthy during this process. Before getting pregnant I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week. Now, I haven't been in a week. I am really tired and the minuet I start working out I feel like I have been run over and I am going to die. Hoping this will change once I hit the 2nd trimester.

We move into our house next week. Don't even want to get started on that whole fucked up situation. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would really have to think about it. Although I have learned a lot though out this experience, I would have to say the time and stress it took to do it was not worth the toll it took on my family and relationship with Frank.

Well, I will post some pictures of the house if I can ever find my digital camera.